Relationships Are Necessary but Why Are They so Hard?

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”–Genesis 2:18

God is relational and He created us to be relational as well. As soon as God realized that it was not good for man to be alone He created a companion for him. With the creation of that companion, the first earthly relationship was born.

Certainly, it was God’s intention that through relationships we would find love, satisfaction, contentment, even joy. So why then, do relationships so often also cause discontent, frustration, insecurity, and pain? What is it that makes our relationships so difficult?

If I had to pick just one element as the most destructive to our relationships, especially our relationship with God, I would have to pick pride.

Pride, First Among Sins

You felt secure in your wickedness and said, ‘No one sees me,’ Your wisdom and your knowledge, they have deluded you; For you have said in your heart, ‘I am, and there is no one besides me.‘ Isaiah 47:10

 Pride stands in the way of intimacy. It is corrosive and it causes us to feel the need to hide our authentic selves. Without authenticity in our relationships, especially our relationship with God, there can be no trust; without trust, no relationship can survive.

Michael Eric Dyson, author of The 7 Deadly Sins, writes in his book that all seven of the deadly sins are serious, however, theologians and philosophers consider pride to be the original and the most serious of the seven; the sin from which all others arise.

The most dangerous element of pride is its insidiousness. Most of the time pride seems harmless. We are proud of ourselves when we do a good job at work; we are proud of our kids when they are the student of the month, these don’t seem so dangerous. But there is a reason Paul tells us, in 1 Corinthians, that we should boast only in the Lord. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”–1 Corinthians 1:31.

Pride is quiet and subtle. It grows slowly and secretly in the dark places of our soul. Pride about our good job at work becomes comparisons with our co-workers. That leads to feelings of superiority. Superiority grows silently but quickly into self-importance.

Before we know it we are dangerously corrupt and selfish. We begin to put our needs and desires above the welfare of others. Before long, we come to the conclusion that we are more important than others.

A sense of entitlement ensues. Now, we’ve fallen prey to the sin ranked number one among all of the deadly sins; it is pride, extreme and destructive. The kind of pride that is known as hubris. In Greek mythology, it is the character flaw that angers the Gods and brings about the downfall of the hero.

By its very nature pride prevents us from recognizing it in ourselves. And going unrecognized allows it to quickly become a character flaw, pervasive and deep-rooted. This is the deadly pride, said to be the perversion of dignity and holiness, those faculties that make humans most like God.

How to Know When Pride has Become Hubris

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else-Galatians 6:4

 Pride is difficult to see in ourselves. So, when trying to discern its presence, it might be wise to enlist the help of a family member or friend we know will be truthful.

It is important that we know what to look for. These are some things to be vigilant for.

• Pride causes a person to exaggerate their own accomplishments while minimizing the accomplishments of others.
• We find ourselves comparing ourselves to others and most often find them lacking
• This leads to negative gossip about others in which we may fish for compliments from those with whom we are gossiping.
• If fishing for compliments fails, we will begin to brazenly brag about our own accomplishments.
• In this bragging, the truth begins to lose its importance.
• Before we know it we are exaggerating or outright lying about our achievements and importance.

When pride takes control, our feelings of superiority can cause us to forget that we are merely human. When that happens, we are in danger of taking on an air of the divine. Isn’t this just what the devil did? He began to believe he was superior to God.

In Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis writes: “…it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”[38] In the Bible Proverbs says: When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

Pride is a Roadblock in Our Walk with God

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you” -1 Peter 5:6.

 The most dangerous consequence of pride is that it separates us from God. Once we lose touch with God, we lose touch with our Godly values as well. Too much pride makes it almost impossible to approach God in humility. In turn, it becomes impossible to confess our sins and repent of them.

Pride and the Prodigal Son

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’–Luke 15:21

 Pride is at the heart of the message of the parable of the Prodigal Son. The younger brother’s, pride made him believe that he was capable of taking care of himself and that he deserved better things. So, he insisted that his father give him his inheritance money, not yet due him, and he headed for the big city leaving behind his demanding father, his boring brother and his mediocre life.

In requesting his inheritance while his father was still living, the son was being selfish as well as disrespectful of tradition and authority. This action displayed his disregard for others and his sense of entitlement. His only concern was his desire to pursue pleasure.

Of course, the son, who had practically no life experience, was unable to properly manage his money. But when it began to run out his pride prevented him from admitting, even to himself, that he was in over his head. Still driven by pride, humbling himself and going home to his father was out of the question.

So, he kept doing what he was doing and before long his money was gone. Still unable to summon the humility to go home he was reduced to taking a job feeding the pigs and sometimes fighting them for the food.

Finally, filthy, cold and hungry, he was able to see his circumstances clearly. When he faced the enormity of his failure, his pride was replaced by shame and despair. The only thing left, he reasoned to himself, was to crawl back to his father and beg him for mercy. If he was lucky his father would show him some grace and take him back as one of the servants.

We All Have Some Prodigal Pride

“Return, you backsliding children, And I will heal your backslidings.”-Jeremiah 3:22.

The story of the prodigal isn’t so different from our own story when we stray in our walk with God.  Like him, when we come to our senses we find it very difficult to let go of pride and find the humility we need to ask for God’s forgiveness.

Oh, we make excuses that might make us look humble and pathetic, “He couldn’t possibly forgive me this time.” Or, “I’ve been gone too long and He won’t want me back.” But feeling sorry for ourselves is not the same as humility.

We know that God wants us back and is only waiting for us to repent and ask for His forgiveness. We know because scripture is quite clear on this point. For example, In Isaiah, God says: “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool.” –Isaiah 1:18.

And if that isn’t clear enough, in Zechariah God makes it very clear that He is only waiting for us to call on him when He says, “Return to Me”, declares the Lord of hosts, “that I may return to you”, says the Lord Almighty.-Zechariah 1:3.

In reality, we know that God wants us back but because we haven’t practiced daily humility for a long period of time, we find it difficult to give up the pride that has grown unwieldy. Pride is insidious. Subtly and quickly it seems to take on a life of its own, becoming difficult to give up. But why?

It may be that our sinful nature is so drawn to pride, the enemy can easily play on our self-importance to convince us that we deserve to be celebrated more. Or perhaps, it’s because western culture has indoctrinated us to believe that to be dependent is to be weak and weak is undesirable. In any case, I do know that to keep pride at bay it is essential to practice humility each and every day.

Our God is Merciful

But you, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.-Psalm 89:15

Thankfully, that isn’t the end of the prodigal’s story, nor ours. When the young son finally comes home, head down, tail between his legs and humiliated, he is expecting his father’s rejection and disdain. But instead, he sees his father running toward him excited, joyous and thankful to see him.

If we aren’t familiar with the Hebrew culture of the time, it would be easy to miss just how incredibly happy the father was. In that culture, at that time, for an older man to run across a field, or anywhere, for that matter, was shameful and undignified; it just wasn’t done. But the father did it for his son.

Seeing his father run to meet him must have been confusing for the son. He was prepared to beg his father for mercy; to ask to be allowed to serve him. But instead he was treated like a returning hero; with a robe and a ring, and a party, and a feast. It must have been a relief. Yet, at the same time, it must have been confusing. The ring, especially, represented being welcomed back to the family with full status and authority. After his disrespectful behavior, this would have been quite a surprise.

For those of us who are parents, this part of the story is not at all surprising. As parents, I think we understand just how the Prodigal’s father felt. He thought he had lost his beloved son forever. He’d spent countless nights sitting and watching for his son, never really expecting to see him again.

And then suddenly, there he was, his son was alive, he was home. At that moment, any anger the father ever held had vanished. He had no thought of punishment, only prayers of thanks to God for bringing his child home safely. It isn’t difficult to understand that for the father there was no greater joy.

But somehow we are unable to understand that God feels the same way about His children, you and me. When we stray he is not angry, he is sad, he is worried, and he sits and waits for us to return. And when we do, just like the father in the parable, He is overjoyed.

Jesus told this story to illustrate how God feels about His children. The father in the story represents God and the son represents us, His children. Jesus told it to demonstrate that each and every one of us is precious to our Father in heaven. He wants us back no matter how long we’ve been gone and no matter what we have done, God wants us to return to Him before it’s too late.

But we cannot return to God and we cannot experience His forgiveness until we can humble ourselves enough to approach Him and ask for it. Scripture is also clear on this point… If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.- 2 Chronicles 7:14.

Why is humbling ourselves so important to receiving God’s acceptance? Because pride causes our hearts to be so hard that even God cannot penetrate them. When pride is ruling our hearts we won’t allow God, or anyone, access to that place where we are hiding all of our shame and vulnerabilities.

There is no other way. We must humble ourselves to receive God’s favor.  But remember He will be sitting on the porch waiting and watching and the minute he sees you turn back to Him, He will run to you, He will embrace you and He will throw a party celebrating your safe return. Hurry, He’s waiting for you!

A PRODIGAL PRAYER
Come home! For your father is waiting.
Come home! He’s been searching for you.
He’s been watching and waiting, hoping and praying
Because He knows just what you’ve been through.
Come home! For your father is waiting.
Come home! He still stands vigil for you,
With eternal compassion and love never-ending;
Come home! You’ll find out that it’s true.
He will run to meet you,
He will give you his ring.
He will throw you a party,
And the whole family will sing.
Music will play, wine will be flowing,
You will be honored, loved and adored.
With tears and laughter, all will rejoice,
Because His child is lost no more.
Give in! Your home is still waiting;
Give in! Simply kneel down and pray.
Let go of your pride as you humbly repent,
And express remorse for walking away
Come home! Your Father is waiting!
©Linda Troxell 12/05/2017

Let’s pray:
Lord, we ask that you will help us to remain humble every day so that we are never separated from you even for one day. But Father, we are so grateful to know that you are slow to anger and full of compassion. We are grateful that if we fall prey to our pride you will not turn your back on us in anger. But that you will watch for us and wait with love until we become humble and turn back to you. We are grateful to know that just as soon as we approach you in humility you will welcome us back to your family with full status and without shame. Thank you, Father, for your overwhelming, relentless, eternal love. In the name of Jesus, we pray Amen.

 

POINTS TO PONDER AND PERHAPS TO WRITE ABOUT

• Has pride been a struggle for you? Remember, by its nature pride prevents us from recognizing it. And so perhaps you should consult a friend who you know loves you enough to tell you the truth to get another perspective on this.
• In what way does pride contribute to relationship problems?
• Has pride been a barrier in any of your relationships?
• Write about a time when you struggled with pride. How did it turn out?
• What are your thoughts about pride being a barrier to our relationship with God?
• In thinking about your walk with God, can you identify a time when you turned away from Him, even for a few hours or a few days, and then had to humble yourself to ask for forgiveness?
• How long did it take you to humble yourself once you knew you had to do so?
• Do you have a plan to resist pride in your daily life?
• How do you keep yourself humble on a daily basis?