“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.-Isaiah 55:8-9

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded of you.” Matthew 38: 16-20

God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.- Proverbs 3:5-6

 

Proper Worship and Sufficient Praise

Lord, did you really create me just to live like this?
Is this the journey You really meant for me to take?
My thoughts and ways are not as high as Yours, Lord
Still, I wonder how this brings glory for your sake.

Lord. I’ve asked for nothing but to worship and to serve You.
And I know your power is made perfect when I’m weak.
Still, I don’t understand what you’ve asked of me, Lord,
Or how I can be the servant that you seek.

I never thought my life would look like this, Lord
When I surrendered to your will and your ways.
Do I really need to be this alone, Lord,
To give you proper worship and sufficient praise?

I’m not asking for you to change a thing, Lord.
To do your will I must accept your plan.
And I would never ask you to explain to me, Lord
Although, there’s so much I still don’t understand.

Does this life You’ve given me have a purpose?
In Your long game, where do I fit in?
How can you use me from such isolation?
And if I still want more is that a sin?

Maybe I really have no purpose,
Although, I try hard not to be a doubter.
Perhaps the only service I’ll ever give You
Is my weakness which perfects your power.

But I will not allow my trust to be shaken
I simply will not give the enemy that win.
And I know, Lord, I will be forgiven,
If you consider wanting more a sin
©Linda Troxell 08/21/2018

 

Have you ever wondered just what God is doing in your life and why? Oh, come on we all have. I try really hard to just accept God’s plan and His will and not question. But I can only sustain that for a limited amount of time. For me it is like a Whack a Mole game. You know those games at fairs and carnivals where the little puppet pops up from holes and you whack it with a mallet, only to have it pop up again in a different hole? Well, the puppet is my questions and my doubts and the mallet is my attempt to accept without question. The questions and doubts pop up and my determination to not indulge them whacks them down only for them to pop up again at some other time.

It can be so confusing. Not only are we told to accept God’s will, but to follow God’s will; to walk the path for which he has anointed us. But are we ever really told how we can know God’s will? Or our anointed path?  Oh, I know, we’re told to listen for the small still voice. Or that if we meet undue resistance we are probably not walking in His will. Well, unless, or course, we are walking in His will and the resistance is the enemy throwing up obstacles to prevent us from reaching our goal. Or, sometimes we are told it is just a knowing in your heart or your gut. Then there is the most vague of all,  the you know, that you know, that you know test. Like I said, it can be so confusing.

Now, don’t get me wrong I totally believe that God has a will for each of us individually, as well as for the world as a whole. And I believe, that although it’s difficult to discern, we can know God’s will.  And once we are aware of it, I believe each of us should follow His will. However, one of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 55:8-9: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Which leads me to believe that it can be exceedingly difficult to understand God’s will and His plans.

I know that it can be difficult to accept God’s plans for our lives in any given season, even when we understand them. However, I think it can be even more challenging to accept His plans when we can see what He wants but cannot figure out why He wants it. When God’s plan for your life seems to be one of unlimited pain and isolation, it is particularly difficult to accept without question. I mean, how do you manage not to ask questions about why God would want this for you? How do you refrain from wondering what purpose this plan could possibly serve, for you, for the world, or even for God Himself? This is the circumstance I have found myself in for the last six years.

It is a long story and I am not going to presume to bore you with the irrelevant details. How we came to be in a situation is, unless the details are extraordinary, irrelevant to a discussion of how we manage to accept God’s will in that situation. Suffice it to say it was a saga and not an event. Of course the pain didn’t start out as overwhelming and in the beginning I was not isolated. So, at that stage I could, like Paul, accept God’s will because His grace really was sufficient for my pain. With prayer I simply pushed on through the pain. However, I am amused when I look back and realize that I probably whined more then than I do now. That’s because I have learned a lot about myself, about God and about God’s grace in these six long years.

I understand, fully, why God had to get me into this situation. Until I was in excessive pain and fairly well isolated, there were many things I put before God. I put my daughter and her children before God and I put my work before God. I certainly put my comfort before God. So, through this, what I call the first leg of my forty years in the desert, I have learned that nothing comes before God. For that, I am actually grateful that He forced me into a position in which I was a captured audience. Looking back I wish I would have made it easier on myself. But then, as they say, hindsight is 20/20. The fact is, I didn’t do it an easier way when I had the chance. So here I am.

But, I really don’t understand why I have to stay in this predicament of overwhelming pain and forced isolation. Now that I understand what it means to be a Christian, I would really like to be an active part of the body of Christ. I would like to worship in community and grow in Christ through relationships with fellow Christians. I would like to go out in the community and glorify God’s name. I would like to answer the challenge of Jesus’ great commission; to go out and make disciples of them all.  Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded of you.” Matthew 38: 16-20. It is very difficult for me to understand why God doesn’t want that for me too.

Lest you are alarmed by this story and feel you should call social services to rescues me from my dark and dangerous isolation , please don’t misunderstand. I still have some really good relationships with love ones and friends who are willing to work within the limitations of a fairly one sided relationship. Some of God’s finest people who are willing to always come to me to visit and who are satisfied with doing for me with very little reciprocation. But as for community, something God tells us we need in order to learn who we are in the body of Christ, well I have none to speak of. Honestly, I can seldom even make it to church. So, you can see why it is difficult for me to refrain from asking God the purpose of this isolation and pain and how it serves anyone?

Well, I have asked, and I have cried and I have begged. But I haven’t gotten an answer; at least not one I can discern. So, what is my answer? Well, for now I will live one day at a time. I will go on trusting that God knows better than I do what is best for me. I will continue to pray to God with praise and gratitude. And I will hope that my pain is somehow helpful to someone; that God will use it to work for the good of those who love him. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, and who have been called according to his purpose.-Romans 8:28. For, in the end, despite my questions and my confusion and even my anger, I really believe the wisdom of King Solomon and I try hard to follow the advice he gave when he said:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.- Proverbs 3:5-6.