But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” – Genesis 3:9-10

“For I will be merciful regarding their wrong deeds and I will never again remember their sins”–Hebrews 8:12

 God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that God’s righteousness would be produced in us.–2 Corinthians 5:21

Submit yourselves, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you-James 4:7

 

SHAME

There are things I can’t look at for the pain that they cause.
So I hide from these things, be they deeds thoughts or flaws.
When I think of these secrets I feel the heat on my face.
My skin starts to crawl and my heart starts to race.
For, not even God can forgive me these things.
Or that’s what I believe amid the shame that they bring.

This is not guilt. No, guilt is only a sign
That I’ve done something wrong, or that I’m out of line.
No, this is nothing like guilt, for guilt, I can stand.
I tell God I’m sorry and He takes my hand.
But Shame is quite different for it tells ruthless lies.
It tells me I’m worthless demands that I hide.

It threatens my place among family and friends.
Tells me if God finds out His love surely ends.
Guilt sternly reminds me that my behavior is wrong.
But shame cruelly shouts I don’t deserve to belong.
Still, I know God is aware of the worst I have done
He isn’t shocked, or Disgusted or stunned.

He forgives anything if I bring it in prayer
If I give Him my shame when I’m done, He’s still there.
For, God has chosen me, I am bought and paid for.
He gave His Son’s life that my life be restored.
No, shame I have felt, nor the pain that it gives,
Can keep me from God whom I know will forgive.
©Linda Troxell, 3/2017

 

Shame is insidious. Masquerading as guilt, it sneaks into our souls and lulls us into letting our guard down. If we don’t rebuke shame quickly it creates a stronghold and then, by its very nature, becomes very difficult to look at, to say nothing of expelling.

It is a widely held belief that shame and guilt are one and the same. Even dictionaries and thesauruses sometimes list the two as synonymous. However, while shame has a component of guilt, they are not the same emotion and they come to us from very different sources.

Guilt is a message from our conscience telling us that we have violated one of our rules or values. It is the emotional counterpart to physical pain that warns us we have done harm to our body. Essentially, they are both early warning systems given to us by God to guard our wellbeing.

But shame is something different. Whereas guilt tells us we did something wrong, shame tells us we ARE something wrong. Guilt warns us that we have violated a value or moral and we need to fix it. Shame tells us we ARE a violation and we can’t be fixed.

Guilt often operates as a constant low-level nagging in our mind which reminds us that we have amends to make. Whereas, shame shouts loudly in our minds that we are defective, unfit to be with other humans. It is forever telling us that we dare not reveal our secret for it is unforgivable.

Shame is a tool of the Enemy used to convince us that we deserve to be separated from our family and our God. While guilt is unpleasant to deal with, shame is almost too threatening to face. In order to resolve guilt, we simply humble ourselves and admit our wrongdoing.

But shame is often too painful to even look at honestly. And we dare not reveal it, because it convinces us there is something wrong with our very being. To be open about our shame, the enemy convinces us, is to risk being abandoned, risk being ostracized from our tribe.

We, humans, are social beings; God created us to be part of a social system. Our lives are only meaningful when we are in a relationship with God and other people. To be thrown out of our family, the family of mankind is an untenable idea. The thought of being shunned by God is unbearable.

However, that is exactly what shame threatens. It makes us believe that if God knew our transgressions He would be so offended He would leave us. That if our fellows knew who we really were they would be so disgusted as to not allow us to remain in their family.

There has been a lot of talk over the years about the need for healthy shame. I don’t believe shame, any, shame can be healthy. I believe that shame, as a tool of the enemy, is insidious, destructive and extraordinarily difficult to resolve.

Now, healthy guilt, that makes sense. Guilt is the psychic warning system, given to us by God, to keep us moral and ethical. It is healthy to have guilt. We all do things we know are not in keeping with our value system; things that do not come from our best selves. If, when we do those things, we don’t feel bad, that would be unhealthy.

Shame, on the other hand, serves no purpose but to convince us to hide from God and our family. Often, we do not even know where the shame originated; we often can’t attribute it to any one thing we’ve said or done. It is a free-floating feeling that attacks us when our guard is down and convinces us we are unworthy.

Given all of that shame entails, you can see why it’s very difficult to resolve. The threat that it brings makes us reluctant to even look at it. That we often don’t know the source of our shame makes it is impossible to deal with directly. Being convinced by the enemy that we must not turn to God for help, we are effectively denied prayer, our greatest resource for direction and comfort.

Genesis 3:9-10 tells us that shame began with Adam and Eve hiding from God in the Garden of Eden. The enemy learned then just how effectively shame can make us believe we can be separated from God.

But if we know God’s word, we know that we can never really be separated from God because God gives His love through grace. If we cannot earn God’s love by our good behaviors then neither can we lose His love through our bad behaviors.

Romans 8:39 tells us “…there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord.”  And in Hebrews we are told that He will not even remember our sins: “For I will be merciful regarding their wrong deeds and I will never again remember their sins-Hebrews 8:12. 

Together, those scriptures let us know that there is nothing God won’t forgive us if we bring it to Him in prayer. Therefore, perhaps the only way to resolve shame is through the grace of God.

But, when the enemy has us convinced, through our shame, that God has forsaken us, how do we break away from that belief? We do the same thing we should always do when we have confusion between what we feel about God, and what we know about God, we go back to basics.

We know that nothing makes the enemy flee as effectively as the truth of God’s word. So, when we find ourselves in the grip of shame, instead of hiding, as shame tells us to do, we need to step out in faith and declare our belief that the righteousness of our God will beat the deceit of the enemy any day of the week.

We simply begin reciting the words of God, from the Bible, until we can get back to believing them ourselves. We recite every verse in the Bible that tells us we were forgiven when Jesus died on the cross; we are forgiven now; and that we will be forgiven until Jesus comes back to earth to reign.

We recite every verse that tells us that we don’t have to earn God’s love because He gives it freely through grace. We recite every verse that tells us that God forgives all sins when we repent. And then we sit back and watch the enemy flee with tears in his eyes and his tail on fire, taking his shame with him.

Shame began when the enemy convinced Adam and Eve to defy God in the Garden of Eden. Four thousand years later God sent Jesus to redeem our sins, by making “the one who did not know sin to be sin for us.”–2 Corinthians 5:21.  Today, 2000 plus years after that, we need only look to the Bible to know that we cannot be separated from the love of God.

It’s that simple to resolve shame. As James tell us: Submit yourselves, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you-James 4:7. So, whenever we feel that heat on our face or the racing of our heart that signals the presence of shame, we must remind ourselves and the enemy, with God’s own words, that we are first, last and always protected by our Father in Heaven!

 

 

Points for Prayer and Pondering

1. Have you ever had a time when you felt guilty but didn’t want to step up and accept responsibility, apologize and make amends? What was causing the guilt? What was standing in the way of your apology? How did you resolve the situation?

2. Have you ever struggled with feelings of shame? Did you know the root of the shame? How did you resolve your shame?

3. Find and copy 3 scriptures that tell you that you cannot do, think, or say anything to lose God’s love; and find and copy 3 that tell you there is nothing God won’t forgive you if you ask in prayer.